I walk in and the smell of paint and Murphey’s Oil Soap hits me. The hardwood floors are shining, and the walls are soft and wonderful. I look around and my bright paintings on the pastel walls are striking. The touches of blue in the accents against the ivory yellow soothing. I walk up the stairs which seem to open onto heaven, the light shining through. I step into my peaceful bedroom, I sign in contentment. Beautiful. Space.
Saturday morning. I wake at dawn. The birds are singing. I go to the farmer’s market and buy all the fruits and veggies I need for the week. I see several students. They smile and wave at me. I am looking forward to the start of school. I buy Michelle three gorgeous sunflowers. She talks about our friend whom I haven’t spoken to in a year. I start to cry.
We talk about social anxiety, how hard it is sometimes to not allow your internal responses control you. Your internal dialogue can be quite rational and yet your heart is pounding like timpani and your face feels like it is on fire. Just notice this.
This song is playing on the radio. I find myself hoping for an exception.