Make your own sunshine

The rain is pouring down.  I am so cold, I am shivering under my blankets, it is night.  Earlier today I felt so tired that I just lay down on the hardwood floor.  It was comforting.  Now my pillows are not soft and fluffy the way I like them, just hard and awkward.  I reach for my phone and try to think whom I should call.  Really I shouldn’t call anyone.  I am just a stupid girl.  I need to get beyond being a stupid girl.

I delete names and numbers from my phone.  I don’t want to call this person or that person.  Why must I be a perpetual cornball what the hell is wrong with me.  You are only supposed to show a heart this big to people who have your back.

The rain is flooding the streets and the cellars.  I am supposed to be building an ark but I think it might be too late.  Besides I only have one dog and three cats.  How can you make an ark with that?  I think I might be crazy.  I realize I probably am.  The decking of the ark feels good against my body.  Its cool but somehow warmer than the air.

How do you make sunshine out of rain?  How can you create light in the darkness?  I withdraw into the shadows satisfied for some sick reason with my prison.

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