Beautiful

I am awake as my daughter leaves, but my back hurts from moving the brick pavers to the road yesterday in hopes that someone will want them.  I have my doubts.  It is an old injury this back muscle, I sleep with a heating pad on it off and on through the night.  Long easy walk in mind for the day ahead, it is the only thing that seems to ease the pain.  The phone beeps a text incoming, I know it is from my daughter.  Go outside she says, right now.  I told her last night that I think fresh air will cure any ailment.  I have told her this and that strawberries are laden with pesticides and that bagel cuts to the hand are the number one ER visit in NY a million times each.  Okay.  I get up and start a pot of coffee and then open a few curtains and a window or two.  It is truly beautiful.  Maybe 10 degrees or more above normal for November.

The dog and I sit on the front step.  It is so quiet this early in the morning.  The sun has not even passed my neighbors tall maple.  I notice the willow fronds swaying in the breeze, I can hear the rattle of them.  I like how they are the first leaves in the spring, I am curious if they will be the last.  They are still so lush and green.

The milkweed seeds lift in the warm breeze and fly across the sky.  I can tell the wind is unsettled as they first float towards the east, roughly and then the wind shifts and they fly north northwest.  One falls at my feet and I pick it up and dust it off and send on to hopefully a more fruitful landing place.  The long high clouds come after about a half hour and two cups of strong black coffee, they look like snow clouds.  The temperature drops and I watch as a crow wings high up against the white clouds and the brilliant blue sky.

I feel like I am a fish looking up through the water at the world above, as incomprehensible to my small brain and pulsing gills as can possibly be.  I think that the universe must be like this, that I cannot fathom what could survive out there.  I think of myself too, looking down on the small brained fish as it gathers oxygen from the water.  I can see it, know it and understand it but can it do the same in regards to me.  I am not sure.  It makes me think of how small I am in this universe, and strangely how large.

 

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