I am standing in the middle of a boxing ring. I am wearing my princess shoes, my princess dress, my princess pink nail polish, and my princess make up. Like any good princess I am not here to fight but to look pretty and sparkley. The only problem is, I am not really a princess. I ask myself this: Why do women have to put on make up, spanx and shoes that hurt our feet, while men do not? I find myself dwelling more and more on this idea of the role women should play or not play in our culture. And I for one have reached a point where I have grown tired of the way that women are regarded. Take for instance a recent post on the local paper’s internet page, the post was about Sarah Palin, and the usual angry men whose vitriolic posts slam every government official were talking about voting for Palin because she is hot. I am also thinking about how our mayor was once commented on by these same men because according to them she was not doing her job,their proof was that she was not hot. I also saw a post recently on a guys Facebook page from all of these other men about how HOT his wife is. Its all about hot right? What about she is a good woman, she is a down to earth woman, she is a good mom? No we don’t comment on this because, to be frank, fuckable is much more important that being a good person.
We do this thing to our girls too, make them think that when they grow up they will be sparkley princesses who will have everything they desire delivered to them in jewel encrusted unicorn coaches. They will all be beautiful and perfect starry angels. But then they grow up and this is not at all the life of a grown woman with a husband and kids. Unless of course you are lucky enough to be in a household that can afford maids and nannies or your mother moves in to support your sparkley princess ways while she does all the work for you. Nice. That is a lovely deal if you can swing it.
I heard this morning on NPR that Disney is now ending its perfectly lovely pretty sparkley princess stories and finally we will get a strong (Scottish! AH! HA!) lass who is a brave warrior. Awesome! We shall see, my guess, she will still be “HOT” but who knows maybe they will get it right. Maybe she will have a ruddy face and a muffin top, and leaves her legs hairy to withstand cold Scottish winters. Yeah….no. Guessing she will be lithe and have largish breasts for her frame size and maybe a smattering of freckles on perfectly flawless skin. And her legs like the rest of her body will be hairless, except for her perfect eyebrows and her curly red locks. Or if not there will be a makeover scene in which the boy she has loved all along will finally notice her because now she looks pretty princess sparkle instead of strong and capable.
So this brings me to me. Of course. I am told that I am pretty, and when I was young I had a very nice figure. Now I am curvy but yes indeed, I am bordering on plus size. Average female size with bodacious….well you get it.
But no matter how hard I try I am not princess sparkle. I have tried nail polish and it does not stay on my hands very long at all. It starts to crack and peel within a couple hours. I have tried coloring my hair and perming it too, but looking in the mirror I always jump and wonder who the hell is that? Oh its me. I don’t like that. I would rather recognize myself in the mirror. I do wear some makeup mascara, foundation, and subtle lip color, and when dressing up a bit more. But as I have said ad nauseum I am most comfortable in my most natural state. I started thinking about this, but also about this concept in Zen that you are okay just where you are and just what you are doing. I also am thinking so much about how I have tried my whole life to fit in with the norms of society, but I find that not only do I despise it all, I don’t do it well. I fall flat on my face every single time. It just doesn’t work. I have been slowly coming to this realization that I don’t want to even try anymore. I kind of want to go in the other direction. I have tried so long to fit in that now I want to try really hard to NOT fit in. It is so like the punk movement. It is a thrashing difference. I reject your princess ways. I do not want this anymore.
So here I sit thinking about this and wondering what to do next. Again I am most comfortable in my natural state. But where does it lead me? What is to be done?
I think the whole Zombie thing for me may just be that right now I want nothing to do with Sparkle Princess. I reject you whole heartedly. I want to be different from you. I want to be a Zombie Girl in this ugly ugly (but so so pretty) sparkley princess world.