My actions in the last couple weeks have actually inspired my daughter. I sit on the couch and I tell her, I am a mountain lion, I am not a rabbit, why must I sit on this stupid sofa and wait to be flushed out of hiding. It isn’t in my nature to cower shivering in the underbrush. She tells me, so go and do what a mountain lion would do.
Later that week she has a presentation. We are sitting on the sofa again later and talking about it. Be yourself, no matter what. She tells me that our conversation and my subsequent action is what inspired her to speak but that she didn’t use me as an example. In my heart I know why. I am not really a mountain lion, I am partially tamed, I still catch myself from time to time, trying to please people I should not be trying with, I still stop and say Wait shouldn’t I be doing something else?
My sister is so unabashedly herself it is she that my daughter turns to in admiration. My sister is so strong and so fierce. I recently posted on facebook that I was ready to set aside anyone who wouldn’t stand next to me in a Zombie Apocalypse, all in good fun. My daughter said she isn’t a house plant, she would not be standing next to me she would be running around and killing zombies. My sister said she would cower behind me screaming no no don’t let the zombies get me. I stopped and looked at her sentences again and realized she was joking. As the minutes passed I waited and in a few minutes there it was, she was just joking, she wouldn’t be hiding behind my back, she would have my back. And frankly I couldn’t ask for a more fierce warrior to stand behind me fighting. Except maybe William and my daughter. It is this woman, my sister who inspires me to shuck off that rabbit suit. And in many ways it is also my daughter.
I was recently worried about the storm of the century which made alot of noise but didn’t really do much at least here the gray sky snow capital of NY. My daughter had to work and I was expressing my anxiety about having to drive in a blizzard to take her and pick her up just a short 10 minute drive on dry pavement from the house. She told me that she would try to get her schedule rearranged and make adjustments if the blizzard was bad, but then she turned to me and said, Mom in the snow you are the best driver in the whole freaking world. Take a deep breath Meg. Take a deep breath. This from the woman who recently sucked in every scrap of air and gripped the side rail of the car white knuckled as I skidded on a hill recently. The snow is unavoidable. I decided it was time to get those new tires. I felt my heart pounding and the panic in my mind. She saw me handle the situation with strength and determination.
I think about my post yesterday.
Strength and Determination. You cannot – CANNOT sit back and wait for life to come to you. When the time comes you have to stand on your own two feet. Those that love you will fight beside you, and guard your back. The rest well, they can stand about protecting their weak women who resemble some quaking house plant or shivering rabbit, likely to dart out into the path of a predator. I would rather be fierce. Like my sister, like my daughter.