Lost in this moment

You know that moment when you realize that you have not meditated, or walked or done yoga in a while, and you realize that your mind has been spinning, like a fiery wheel, and you find yourself overcome with sadness.  The sadness that comes from a long winter?  From the heaps of snow?  From the days not moving quite at the rate you envision, either too fast or too slow.  When your dreams undermine your confidence, when your dreams make you revisit ugly things you keep trying to let go.  You know that moment when the sadness hits you.  I crave my full spectrum bulb I cannot get away from it. I sit beside it like a cat in a window, but it eats my life away, it eats my time.   My eyes crave to close, a benedryl is the only thing that saves me, I don’t want to dream, I cannot dream of you anymore.  Won’t you please visit someone else’s dreams?  Sleep, sleep through it, March is not such a long month.  Soon it will be April soon it will be spring.  You know that moment when you realize that you may have found new love, but then you catch yourself, you catch yourself trusting, and you realize you shouldn’t trust at all.  Trust brings heartache, trust trust brings nothing but heartache, you give in to it, you lose, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but one day you will lose to it.  It will leave you standing on your doorstep bereft and alone, and there will be nothing you can do to stop it.  Your hands will fall to your sides, your head will fall to your chest and the tears will fall in a deep pool around you.  You know that moment when you realize that your life will be forever poisoned by the loss greater than yourself?  Greater than anything you have ever known.  You know that moment.  When it all comes together like a fiery wheel, and you are left to do nothing but turn and turn and turn and burn and burn and burn.

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One comment on “Lost in this moment

  1. “I crave my full spectrum bulb I cannot get away from it. I sit beside it like a cat in a window.”

    I often say that cats are solar-powered. Wise creatures! I think we are, too. 🙂 Here’s to the speedy arrival of more abundant sunshine in springtime! (Have to get through April showers, too!)

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