Ah there it is…

I am so grateful for all I have in my life.  I light five sticks of incense, I let it burn, I put on yoga chants.  I stretch, I strengthen, I breathe.  The dog comes to me and kisses me, the cat comes to me and purrs and purrs on the edge of my mat.  There is something so perfect about this moment.  I find myself thinking ahead but I catch myself and say no be grateful for what you have.  This is perfect.  Absolutely perfect.  I do not know where my phone is.  I am thinking about how perfect my body is.  Instead of not having the thinnest ankles or worrying about my tummy I am thinking that my feet are cute.  That I love how strong my hands are.  That I love how incredibly flexible I am.  I think how smart I am, how outspoken, how strong I am.  I think about stamina, I think yes I have that too.  What would you do if it was gone? I would find something in myself I would treasure what I have.  Right here.  Right now.

I am walking a friend home.  I could drive but we both need the walk.  We talk about the difference between friendship and lovers, we talk about how sex is fun but it is not enough.  We hug and go our ways.  I reflect on my shadow as it walks in front of me, hair akimbo.  I think to myself that no matter what I am feeling so happy I am so grateful, I have such wonderful friendships so deep and meaningful, the love is powerful.  And I feel so intensely beautiful.  Not on the outside necessarily.  Not like a rock star as one of my students called me today or a movie star like another one called me later on.  But it is this other. Perfection. Feeling.  And there it is, that smile I get when I know I am in the right place.  I had lost it for a few days.  But this is correct.  This is the real me, this is what I want to hold onto, this sense of perfection, this sense of gratitude, this sense of wholeness, this sense of deep and abiding love.  If the whole world fell away and I was as stark as a drifting astronaut would I feel this? I do not know, for right now I am taking my evening constitutional. quiet starlit night with God’s thumbnail moon.  The night is glorious.

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One comment on “Ah there it is…

  1. A purring cat will always make for a perfect moment. And a starlit night… I like your description of the perfection of friendship.

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