Dreaming

I had the most interesting dream last night.  I woke up and for what I think is the first time in a life of sleepless nights, I actually got up and went downstairs and watched TV in the middle of the night for a couple of hours.  I was strangely disturbed by this dream.

I have thought about this dream all day and I think I get most of it.  It was though, a very rough day. I was a little tired and feeling really lazy, I still am.

So the dream.

I wake to find him in my bed in my summer bed, holding me close.  Why are you here?  I ask What do you want?  I am ready to come home he says.  I am ready to have you here.  I reply.  I have moved into a new house, it has many rooms, and many are sitting rooms, it also has guest rooms.  It is well decorated and a comfortable, clean and well lit home.  I have a back porch with a hot tub which I am ecstatic over.  There is also a pool.  I swim in the pool, it is too shallow, it is confining, it is a little scummy.  My friends and family are at my house, a house warming party.  Everyone knows my ex is in my bed.  My daughter tells me she is not happy he is in my bed.   Everyone else is keeping quiet.  I wander the house and discover by the laundry room a whole new set of rooms I didn’t know I had, that the woman I bought the house from didn’t show me, it is amazingly well furnished and spotless.  I am sitting there in this room with the people that love me best, that I love best.  I am surrounded by my loved ones.  The maid who cleans these rooms for the previous owner is offering to help me clean as well, for a fee of course.  I am concerned about my ex judging me for spending the money, but I decide it is worth it anyway.  I wake.

I think my sub-conscious is telling me that I am still hanging on to the ex.  I don’t think I am but I have learned to somehow trust my dreams.  My daughter has told me twice in the last couple weeks that she hasn’t missed him one single time and in the dream she does not want him in this house at all.  I think this just represents me and how my conscious mind is.  That I don’t want him in this new place, interacting with my people.

The pool and the hot tub represent the men I have been dating, kind of shallow and not quite what I want, except for that hot tub I guess because that rocked in the dream!  Is the hot tub representative of what it is I want?

What of this new set of rooms though.  What is it? What does it mean?  I decided in the dream that I could live without the rest of that house and set up housekeeping in this all new section.  It was so much more open and sunny like a big open, bamboo floor, cozy pleasant place.  And everyone I cared for was in there, I thought I could still use the hot tub if I want to, it is still part of the house!

And this is why I was up all night watching civil rights history on PBS?  Trying to figure out what this dream means?

And why I felt like warmed over cow dung all day?  Finding myself wistful and dreamy.

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