The only problem with the “go on with a spirit that fears nothing” flair that I have tossed in the ramshackle satchel that I carry on my shoulders, is that sometimes I am actually really afraid.
The Elephant Journal had a great article yesterday about this Taoist notion of Wu Wei (read the article here). This is what I have been trying to say but have lacked the words, the clarity, and the gumption of practice to get to.
“A great deal of the chaos in the world occurs because people don’t appreciate themselves.” ~Chogyam Trungpa Sometimes I do not appreciate myself. It is an ugly voice that whispers terrible things to me in the loneliness of the dark hours of night. I can say with absolute conviction that this voice is really just an echo of a voice I once heard, but I have learned to not listen to it. Or at least to believe it. It lies. It doesn’t have my golden true self in mind when it says what it says. It says I am like a starved and overworked mule, pathetic on shaking legs. But I know better. I am strong, even when I falter.
“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth” ~Pema Chodron So what is my truth? I don’t know really what my fear is leading me to. I wonder but I cannot dwell on it. It is exactly what it is and nothing more. My truth may just be that sometimes there are echoes, but they are just that, echoes. The silence within, speaks louder, clearer, and more of truth than any broken word fragments that bounce across the mountains, to my ears, and back again.