It is clear to me as I look at the stars trying to shine through the light haze of city night that what is in front of me is nothing but empty space. I will not look at any object in the possible light of my vision, I turn away as my heart is breaking. I hold my knees close to me, arms wrapped round myself, protective. I am still always protecting myself, I know no one else will. How can I not be strong? No one will ever defend me. I suddenly feel cold, really cold and I want to walk away. How many stand in judgment? How many? Can you not stand in defense?
It is a struggle always this, I deserve better, I am so strong, but I am just a child, weeping. I deserve more than you are willing to give, and I am so stupid to believe it will come to me. I have more faith in mankind than they deserve. That is my greatest weakness is it not?
I don’t see what you see, but I do see what you do not. I know what I have done, I know where I have been, I know my position is strongly defensible. But you will not defend me. I find my back is turning to the moon that is shining. And I feel no warmth from it.
I see why you are alone. I cannot figure out yet why I am.