I know I know, I am better off, but it doesn’t change the fact that I wake up sad.  It could be my imminent period, I know it is coming, it just hasn’t arrived; every hangnail feels like a chopped off finger, even the hangnails of my mind.  This was once a mighty big hangnail.  I forgo mascara it could be the imminent tears, I know they are coming, they just haven’t yet arrived; every unmet expectation feels like the end of my eternal existence, even though there is no end to that is there?  I walk in the pouring rain and am wet from the thighs down as I write this, and I really don’t care.  It feels good to be uncomfortable.  How sad is that.  I take off my steampunk cap and lay it on the desk, ruffling my unkempt and undone hair.  I feel slouchy and cranky.  I look slouchy and cranky.  Thank all the Gods and Goddesses of heaven and earth that I only have two classes today.  Or maybe not, being busy helps me get through these days, though Bill is not talking to me, and the awesome boyfriend has put me on exile this week, for some unknown reason.  I get a massive stomach punch of deja vu and I suddenly think he is going to break up with me today because he is seeing someone else.  Awesome.  See what I mean?  Every hangnail.  And it isn’t even him that broke my heart three years ago.

I am fixed with Crazy Glue.

Sorry about the sound quality I couldn’t find anything else on the later.


4 comments on “Deathiversary

  1. Hey Gorgeous, anyone with a heartbeat would feel sad. EVEN when you ARE better off (and you ARE!!!). It’s normal. It is a death. The death of a relationship. The one you work daily to save and preserve. It didn’t help that he ended it in such a cowardly way. But you can only work with what actually happened. It was sad, yes. But it is NOT what defines you. So, I think it’s normal to mourn. Don’t you? XOXO’s 🙂

  2. Patricia, Why do you love me so much, I just don’t know but I am grateful. I know I am better off, and the more I run into people like you or my friend Marty who backed off because of him, or hear from people who stuck around knowing they would have to be there eventually to help (my friend Bill for example) the more I realize it. I was sad and if I had a choice I would have honored my commitment, but I have to tell you that the Pirate is really something special. When I was with Voldemort I felt like I was becoming more empty, when I with the Pirate I feel like I am filled up with all the good things that make me my best self. Not because he is doing the filling, but because he respects who I am.

  3. My dearest Meg, YOU ARE VERY LOVABLE!!! I just can’t help myself! I throughly enjoy your words, your spirit, your creativity, and your courage. I don’t know if I would be as brave as you have been. You deserve all the LOVE in the world. Life is hard enough… ❤ 🙂

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