I am no longer mindful

Where once there was a breath
now there is the sound of my heart beating
my eyes open and close in the dark
a reverse blink
I am a mirror
i reflect and reflect and reflect again
but all I see in the reflection
is what is on the outside
I am hidden.
or do
I hide?
Same old arguments
same old melancholy memories
same old echoing dreams

What do you want from me?  I ask myself.
What is it you want me to do?
I cannot undo what was done.
Nor would I.
But behind the mask I wear
there is really a good and honest person
who muddles through all of this
Did you think I had all the answers,
especially back then?

What can I do?
When you cannot forgive.
And I cannot forgive either, though whom I cannot forgive is the one who left me behind.
I can see it, Kali Durga dances on and on
karma spins in an endless circle.

But I have to move on now.
You have made your choice again and again
and I have never been able to sway you.
Nor have I cared to in a long while.
Relinquished.
As for all the rest.
I see where my own unhealed grievances lie and I mean LIE.

I need to sit with this awhile.

Perhaps I can find my mind again.

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One comment on “I am no longer mindful

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