Asking for more and not getting it.

She sits in a room that is black as black can be, a black cauldron by her side.  She reaches up to stir and stir, in between tossing dirt into the pot, and she rocks and chants as she stabs a pin in a black doll in her hands every time she does she cackles at some joke only she understands.  There is no fire under the cauldron and the room is as cold as death.  If you could see her face you would note that like the newts and spiders that live in lightless caves, she has no eyes, only translucent flesh where her eyes should be.

Somewhere else in the world a bronze woman sits atop a high rock, she does not move but for her breath, and the long length of her hair which flows in the wind.  And from time to time she lifts a hand and lets some dirt fly in the wind.  She sings a song that floats high into the clouds that sometimes wrap around her and hide her from sight.

A woman stands waist deep in a body of water.  In her hands rests a bowl which she uses to catch her tears.  When the bowl is full she lifts it up to the heavens chanting a prayer of gratitude and then tosses the salty tears into the water that laps at her belly.  When she started this task she stood in the middle of a desert, but it was so long ago even she cannot remember when it began.

She dances around the well lit fire, no wood is placed on it but it burns and it burns.  She bounces to the ancient rhyme she recites it has rhythm but that is the only reason it is musical.  It is gutteral and deep as though her throat is made of the smoke that sometimes blows on her and sometimes blows away from her.  Her body is covered with old bones that rattle as she keeps time with her rhyme.

Four goddess, four directions, four elements.

And one woman.  Sits on a cushion wishing for something that is not hers to wish for.  Asking a question she already knows the answer to, and the only reason she keeps asking is that she wants the answer to change.  But it doesn’t and she isn’t really willing to put in the time and effort to see if it ever will.  She chants the heart sutra, no hindrance in the mind.


3 comments on “Asking for more and not getting it.

  1. Not sure what’s going on… Not in keeping w/your recent findings. Why in the back corner? Call, text, e-mail, your pick. I want the happy dance lady back… Thinking of you ~ ❤

  2. I am happy really, its just been super stressful, I haven’t been blogging much about it because I have reached a point of writing it in a journal not online. Trying hoping wanting to change the focus of the blog. I will call you soon. I am thinking seriously about heading down to see you soon. If you will have me. xo.

  3. YES! YES! YES! A million times YES! (although I’ll have to find a way to get excited about it ;-p). Sorry to hear about the stress overload. Call me when you feel up to it. You’re not alone.

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