Musings · Nature · Strong Woman · Zen Buddhism

The Constellation Orion

It is high blood pressure that has me out here, that and the still damp corners of my flannel sheets, fresh from the crisp night air, soon to be warm from the dryer.  I look up and I see Orion, the hunter.  His tell tale pattern of stars as though a cookie cutter in the sky.  I once told drunk boy that there would always be the moon watching over him.  Once many years ago, when I still believed in magic.  I guess sometimes I still do.  And once I believed that Orion looked down on you.  The true hunter takes my now warm hand in his and holds me with a firm strength.  I feel safe there, in its presence, but away from it, I am still the naked child, shivering uncontrollably, I have always been vulnerable, it is not a weakness, but a strength, it makes my heart strong, my spirit brave, and my mind keen.  Did Orion once watch over two dreamers?  The greatest mistake?  Only one thought it was for as long as the stars shone.  I see it and for the first time in some long months it does not fill me with heart ache.  I know when you see it you will think of me, whether you wish to, or not.  You cannot help yourself.  Orion, for me is transformed, into flesh and blood and sparkling eyes.

I say sometimes I need you to take care of me, and he says gentle, with a voice of emotion.  I will take care of you.  I will.  You never really did.

I ask for little really in this world.  I work hard to care for myself, and my own.  I am like the fierce hunter, only I hold solid to the trees that anchor this land, they are my walking sticks.  I am firm in my resolve, I keep my word, I stand strong by the ethics which bind me for their own reasons, not because they were handed to me on flimsy paper, and I followed their instructions to the letter.  I am smarter than that, I am smarter than what you replaced me with, too, all that says, is that you are a fool.  I am the huntress.  I look down on the blanket of earth beneath me, and I see your shadow lurking, you do not shine in the star lit night, like a rat you have scampered in the alleys.  The rat, said Roshi, fell into the boat, NOW WHAT?  Now, what.  I raise my hand and point my fingers, bang, you are dead.  And I, I am alive.  And here in this place, is perfection, glued together heart, and crisp starlit night.  I bow to you Orion, in sacred gratitude.

All I asked for, and more.



2 thoughts on “The Constellation Orion

  1. Yes, I am far finer than what I was replaced with, and he knows it, but it doesn’t matter. For me, it was the Southern Cross, not Orion. I loved your words tonight, Meg, even though they stirred a measure of sadness.

  2. Sorry to bring on the melancholy! I think you and I are kindred spirits of a sort, we certain have shared a parallel heartache. I am not sure I even know what the Southern Cross is. Now I am curious. Isn’t the moon glorious tonight, look at it and know that you are not alone!


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