Her words come to me like a crystal arrow. They pierce me, the arrow melts and its water falls from my eyes. In an instant I see both the meaning of our meeting, and the wisdom she has gained from the difficult path she has been on. Her life has gained meaning through the cliff hangers, falling rocks, flooded spots, biting insects, and the demon stones that have hindered her path. I realize that all these things I know have happened in her life, though challenging beyond what even I could imagine, she has played this hand well, somehow. I have a vision of my own cards, falling like autumn leaves to the ground. In my vision I see two aces of spades, an ace of hearts and a two of hearts, but I cannot see the other cards. Perhaps a large numbered club, like an 8 or a 9. Play the hand I am dealt.
And she says, let her fall. Let her fall.
I say I have not been a good mother, I guess.
She says, I wish you had been my mother, because what you do for your child, is more than mine has ever done for me. She says, you did everything you could for her and sometimes more than you could. I think dance lessons, and staying married far longer than I should have to a man I thought was good for her. I know now what a critical error aligning myself to him was, it has destroyed her. It is not the whole reason, but it is big. Huge.
As that arrow strikes me, I see not only my own life, and her life, but now I see the value of letting her hit the wall of her own failure. The value of stepping back, shutting up, and saying no. You made your bed. Now lets see how you manage.
I know I was not dealt the best of cards, but what I know is that I have played the game with integrity.
In an unrelated conversation I mention this, and then another woman says, yes but that is what those in power want us to believe. They behave corruptly, they embezzle money, they cheat, they lie, they steal, and yet they are promoted, given more power. I say but look at how we are we do the right thing and we get nothing. She says, that is how it works. We will not get ahead by doing what is right. And yet we continue to do it.
We have to stand together.
I think of religion, and how once it was progressive, but now it is fundamentalism, it is repressive. Why? To keep the leaders in charge and the masses at odds with one another, thinking that God hates this group or that group, when in fact it is all just a play for control by this other group, by those in power.
It is all just a miserable game of duck duck goose.
I pick up the deck and shout: 52 PICK UP!!