It is a challenge, getting a canoe on top of my car which does not have a roof rack, but after several tries, I am golden. It isn’t a long drive to the place where I am going to flat water canoe, and I drive there slowly, but I have done it well. I almost fall in the water getting into the canoe, almost but not. And then from there on, I am blissful. The day is overcast, so I am concerned it will rain, but thankfully it doesn’t.
The water is calm and after I paddle away from the camps, and into the little coves, it is deeply quiet. Loons call to each other, but far from where I am, the lilies float as peacefully as I.
I worry, when I am with others that I am not confident, and I become concerned that I am doing it wrong. I know where this comes from, the critical voices of so many, including myself. The odd thing is when I am out here alone, I know I am not perfect, but I am okay with it. What I mean is, that I have a less critical view of myself, when others are not nearby. I don’t care if I dribble water on myself, and my shorts are wet in the seat. I don’t care if my paddling is uneven, I don’t care if I get there quickly, and ironically the boat almost steers itself, and I am deeply at peace. And also, I take the time to play with turning the boat, stopping the boat, all to take pictures, but it helps me to learn to try it, and not to hear judgment. And yet somehow in this life, I find judgment from so many, but it is in the absence of this negativity that I do my best.
An hour, perhaps two, my shoulders ache as I pull into the shore, and loading up the canoe is so much easier, on the way home, I think I must have a goofy grin on my face. This. Now. This. I. Can. REALLY. Dig.