He has returned to me, and then after a week goes back to her, she was on vacation? I scream, you didn’t have any place else to go? He cowers on the floor, you are immoral, I scream, immoral. He wears a mask, and I put my hands on the sides of his mouth and like a puppet make him say I am shit, say it, I tell him, I am shit. I punch repeatedly at his groin and miss.
And I am sobbing.
She is nuzzling my face, her paw on my back.
I cry into her warm velvet soft body. She just cuddles up and licks me.
Its cold, and I am barefoot and in my pajamas. She is going to the bathroom, and I am shivering in the doorway, he is standing beside me. Come on, I call and go into the sun porch. He looks at me askance. He waits outside until she has leaped into the house and patiently follows her in. I praise him profusely. He has accepted her as part of the pack. Whenever we walk, he always waits for the stragglers, be it the pirate or another dog. He talks to me in that dog way, telling me he is okay with her. I still don’t trust him, he still wears his gentle leader, a kind of halter that is meant for walking a bossy dog, whenever she is out of her crate, he can still pant and chew and drink with it, but biting is harder, and he knows it is a control. Last night he even played with her, while wearing it.
She is sharing my pillow and I am drifting off to sleep, she puts her head on mine, her warm chin against the side of my neck. She begins to twitch, and then growl and then bark in her sleep. I whisper into her ear, its okay honey, Mama is here, and her movements calm.
I fall asleep.
I do not dream.