Learning it Slowly

I have a good teacher, she teaches me compassion, she teaches me love, she teaches me good cheer, good manners, and about herbs.  I have much to learn.

I struggle with the living alone thing, three maybe four days running of feeling sorry for myself.  I have a good teacher, she talks about the end of her own relationship, posts pictures of her newly cleaned and decluttered house, and suddenly I remember why I am here.  She does not even intend to teach me, but I learn from her.

I struggle with my weight, but realize as a fitness group talks back and forth feeling the pain of thirty squats, which I do relatively easily, I did so many stacking wood intentionally holding my back straight squatting lifting wood tossing squatting again.  I can feel my body though, it feels stronger than it was two months ago.  I feel better, and mostly I am eating better.

I don’t weigh myself anymore.  Anyone who can stack four face cord of wood in one day may indeed be overweight, but I know I am pretty fit.  Could be more so.  And despite it all calories in calories out is a fallacy perpetrated by the diet industry, that does not pan out in the dietetics studies.  I will just keep taking my baby steps.  I learn this from another friend.  Baby steps.  Just keep swimming.  

Stamina, when you cannot go any further, not one more step, you have at least a mile left in you, it is infinite.  This.  I have stamina.  

I walk the dogs down the creek bed, feet cold in the running water, they are off leash, I have treats in my pocket, Sancho does not stray, Marley is another story, but she keeps coming back.  That is good.  I praise her, I treat her, I treat her just when she looks back to see where I am.  Sancho gets stuck on the bridge and doesn’t know how to get down.  I am too far now and he is barking frantically, next thing I know he is climbing down the bank ahead of me.  Loyalty.  Now that is a quality.

I walk by a neighbors house and we begin to talk, she is a food editor and grows her own veggies, heirloom tomatoes.  She sings, she loves her dogs, it is a good day, to meet someone new.  She is like an earth mother, I immediately like her.

I lay in the hammock, the breeze is cool the sun is warm, but not hot.  I read and meditate, and I feel okay.  I feel more than okay, I feel good.  

Maybe it was the borage tincture I drank last night to calm myself from more family drama, or maybe I am just learning it, slowly.