Committed to my sheer stupidity.

I will admit it, I have lost my mind.

I made a promise to myself that I could not keep and now

…now I am practicing the same insanity that I always have.

And I don’t want to anymore.

I want off the merry-go-round.

Because I am feeling nauseous again.

I am in a place of wanting to push it all away.

somehow because I believe,

somehow because I don’t.

Hunker down.

Hide.

Like a turtle pulling into my shell.

Its all so tragic.

The choices I seem to make again and again.

All so tragic.

And here I am again.

 

Outside I hear an explosion.

Inside my room I am frightened.

And alone.

and this is just exactly what I want to be.

Too scared to try.

too scared to want.

too scared to expect.

too scared to do this again.

 

I don’t even want it.

 

But I do.

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