I will admit it, I have lost my mind.
I made a promise to myself that I could not keep and now
…now I am practicing the same insanity that I always have.
And I don’t want to anymore.
I want off the merry-go-round.
Because I am feeling nauseous again.
I am in a place of wanting to push it all away.
somehow because I believe,
somehow because I don’t.
Like a turtle pulling into my shell.
Its all so tragic.
The choices I seem to make again and again.
All so tragic.
And here I am again.
Outside I hear an explosion.
Inside my room I am frightened.
and this is just exactly what I want to be.
Too scared to try.
too scared to want.
too scared to expect.
too scared to do this again.
I don’t even want it.
But I do.