cat and mouse.

The thing is…

the thing is…

its all good.

and it isn’t.

What i mean is, do you realize the irony of being left on the anniversary of being left?  yes folks six or is it seven years to the day.

i need space from this.

its a cosmic joke really.

leave me alone i cry

while all i want is the warmth of embrace.

i know i am loved.

i recommit to myself.

insanity begets insanity and all i have left to hold onto is that.

i need no ones approval and that drives my happiness.

i wake refreshed.  i wake new.  i face the day with a smile on my face.  because that is all i have left.  that is all i have left.

that and the dog pressing her head hard against mine, loving me.

that and watching the other dog slowly die

that and the friends who adore me, who can say they have this kind of love.

i earn it.

i do not earn it at all.

and when i feel better about all this, do i call and say hello i can now be your friend

or do i lay down the weight of it and leave it.

i realize in an instant there is one thing i forgot to return.

it is a small piece of him, sitting here in my kitchen.

and it must be returned.

and it must be returned.

god you sure are funny sometimes.

a lantern.  a sign post.

please i beg of you, stop toying with me.

i cannot bear it anymore.

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