No its not the name of a band, rather it is my state of being.
I am confused and feeling lost. I had it all together for all of 48 hours back in August.
I can do this.
My brain has gone utterly backwards in time.
Here is my skull that back there, oh no worries, its just my brain.
Is having sex really sinful? Is falling in love a sin?
This must be my karma.
That is all it is.
And do I wait? What is it exactly I am waiting for?
What else is there.
I just want to feel the stabilized feeling in my mind.
I guess God, or The sacred universe or whatever name it is given is not really wanting me to have this at all.
Maybe to having nothing at all ever.
I give the universe an ultimatum, but I set it too far forward.
I think I am done.
Like blackened salmon.
cook me anymore and I will be bitter and dry.
I yearn. oh god how I yearn. is this not what you want from me? this pitiable wreckage?
fuck it all.
I am in a dark blue funk
And there is no one there to ease my sorrow, or yearning.
I am alone.
It is all funk.