I pray hard in the morning. Mercy. Forgiveness. I feel a great peace come over me. And the phone rings. She shares her fears her anger her sense of loss of her dreams her plans for the future.
A bullet dodged she tells me. And it is so clear. All of it.
Bits of good. I give. Selfish ones only take and care not the damage they do.
I am playful with a boy who could potentially be troubled. He soaks it all up. Want to have a good day I tell the sub….give J. LOVE all day. Hug him tell him he is a good boy love him.
The school psychologist stops me in the hall, you friend is having a bad day she tells me. I pull her out. She buries her face in my shoulder and cries. Her tears on my neck and down my shirt. When I call her mom later she asks me to mentor her. Sure I tell her. I am happy to. All day I am love. All day I am giving it all day I am rewarded for the goodness inside me.
I drive north. This road is a comfort, like setting a fire, or preparing soup, or the smell of homemade bread. I can feel the vestiges of stress leaving me, I feel awfulness dissipating. The road to my home, my sanctuary, my family. I see a coyote the first in many years and I think a bobcat the first ever. I feel the magic blessing of the earth entering me now. I am. I am. I am.
Greeted by the whole family with warm loving hugs. A. Telling me I need to be around a normal man as her husband squeezes me tight. Her children teasing me seconds after I walk in. Laughter bubbling out of me. The dogs ecstatic.
Do you have food? And wholesome goodness is set before me, a feast for a goddess of this earth.
And I am home. I am home.
And none of the last six weeks matter to me anymore.
What failure of spirit and absence of joy would choose not to have this.
I am full of a joyful loving spirit and I am strong. So strong. And I am surrounded by love. Because I am making it like a sorcerer or an alchemist. Spinning gold from flax.
I am starlight.