adding up my day

I pray hard in the morning.  Mercy. Forgiveness. I feel a great peace come over me.  And the phone rings.  She shares her fears her anger her sense of loss of her dreams her plans for the future.

A bullet dodged she tells me.  And it is so clear.  All of it.

Bits of good.  I give.  Selfish ones only take and care not the damage they do.

I give.

I am playful with a boy who could potentially be troubled.  He soaks it all up.  Want to have a good day I tell the sub….give J. LOVE all day. Hug him tell him he is a good boy love him.

The school psychologist stops me in the hall, you friend is having a bad day she tells me.  I pull her out.  She buries her face in my shoulder and cries.  Her tears on my neck and down my shirt.  When I call her mom later she asks me to mentor her.  Sure I tell her.  I am happy to.  All day I am love.  All day I am giving it all day I am rewarded for the goodness inside me.

I drive north.  This road is a comfort, like setting a fire, or preparing soup, or the smell of homemade bread.  I can feel the vestiges of stress leaving me, I feel awfulness dissipating.  The road to my home, my sanctuary, my family.  I see a coyote the first in many years and I think a bobcat the first ever.  I feel the magic blessing of the earth entering me now.  I am.  I am.  I am.

Greeted by the whole family with warm loving hugs.  A. Telling me I need to be around a normal man as her husband squeezes me tight.  Her children teasing me seconds after I walk in.  Laughter bubbling out of me.  The dogs ecstatic.

Do you have food?  And wholesome goodness is set before me, a feast for a goddess of this earth.

And I am home.  I am home.

And none of the last six weeks matter to me anymore.

What failure of spirit and absence of joy would choose not to have this.

I am full of a joyful loving spirit and I am strong.  So strong.  And I am surrounded by love.  Because I am making it like a sorcerer or an alchemist.  Spinning gold from flax.

I am starlight.

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