It is so cold outside, ten degrees Fahrenheit and March 24th.  The snow, what is left of it, is black and grey, the grass olive, the reeds in the swamps are beige, the sky is grey, the trees are grey.

I have not yet seen a robin, but the oobalee of red wing blackbirds, serenaded me this weekend.

I have made terrible choices when it comes to men.  I am frustrated with trying to explain it.  Why did I put up with this, why did I stay so long, and the question of putting me there in that place with this one, or that one, I cannot picture you tolerating that kind of treatment.

yep no shit

And then there is this thing where I knew what I was asking for, hoping for and dreaming of were not far off.  A man who comes home for dinner?  A man who cleans up after himself, and sometimes me?  A man who would not dream of sleeping while I shoveled a driveway or mowed a lawn?  A man who does not insult me, demean me, or feel embarrassed by my choice in clothes or shoes or hair style?  A man who does not call me a faker when I call in sick?  A man who says oh you want to take macro photos?  Here is my camera, use it.  Instead of yes I have six cameras but if you want to use one you have to pay me 400$ first.

I stand by the kitchen sink and cry.  As it hits me the years of abused endured, of neglect, of wanting what I did not have.  He comes to me and wraps his arms around me and kisses my neck.

Its over now.  I am not that person anymore.

I tell him everyday how lucky I am, how grateful I am, and what a good, good man he is.

Here is the thing, to history me, to any woman who is putting up with not being treated the way she thinks a marriage, a relationship, a boyfriend should treat her, DON’T.  Just don’t put up with it anymore.  Walk away.  Take care of yourself.  Be happy with yourself, and don’t accept anything less than you deserve, and if he tries to tell you its you, or he has other priorities, or that he will do it later in your shared life, or that he is just joking, or doesn’t mean it or that you DESERVE it somehow.  Show him your backside as you walk away, or at least put your foot on his ass as you kick him out the door.

Real men, don’t treat woman like that.

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