Becoming

When I was younger I said when I get older, when I get tenure I am going to dye my hair red, pierce my nose; I look in the mirror and see my red hair, which has become curly in my old age, basically went curly at the age of 42, and the piercing in my nose that my best friend and I did on a whim after sampling beers at World of Beer.  A shared experience that adds a mote to our 28 years of friendship, one I said this weekend, that has had its opportunity to break at anger many many times, and has stood the test.  Closer than an aunt to her children, she says.

When I was young I learned of the MG, since my initials are MG, and because it is an adorable little car, the OPAL a close second in favorites, it became my favorite.  At the age of 15 in Colorado my cousin Karen and I rode in a friend of my uncles’ car, an MG, he called it the Breeze, and cranked Lynard Skynard as we drove with the top down on the flat land east of Denver.  Now I am the proud owner of a 1979 MG convertible and engaged to a man who knows how to get it running.

I spent my college years and the few after wanting to learn and use herbal medicine, and now I am a novice practitioner, taking my knowledge and healing where modern medicine cannot; taking my knowledge and offering herbal medicine in place of modern methods, where it will not harm to do so, like diaper rash, and itchy bug bites, and earaches.

And I am on the verge of buying another vehicle that has long been on my list of vehicles I would like to own, a Subaru.

And I have surgery scheduled to correct my vision.

All these are possessions that could change in a moment, outward fixations that could be altered in a heart beat.  They are nothing, but in some way, everything.

Made possible by financial stability, by having a fiscally responsible partner, but also made possible by this internal thing, too.

When your every move is criticized, you begin to close up.  When your every move is accepted you begin to open.

When you go to do a task in your home, only to discover your partner has already completed it, there is a responsibility you revel in it.  How can it be that this person, fulfills all the things I thought were missing before, but chided myself, I am too demanding, I ask too much, he has too much to do.  No we all have much to do, and expecting your partner to help meet those things inside your own home IS NOT asking too much.

And of myself, still not always confident, still finding a spark of life, a rainbow of reflection every time I realize that my life has opened up, in so many many ways.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s