Not a metaphor for once in my life.
About a year and a half ago I started noticing that it was getting more and more difficult to see. I thought I needed bifocals. I went to the eye doctor and proceeded to get bifocals.
My left eye is blurry all the time and my distance vision is not so good, difficult to read road signs, and printed letters on white boards or chalk boards. And also when I am painting the light glare makes it impossible to see details. Light glare at night is horrible, and sunlight as much as I love it, is blinding.
So I have changed a few things in my life to compensate. I have to read printed books in very bright light, which is not really great because those fluorescent bulbs we are all using are lousy. And my book light is not bright enough by a magnitude of a million. So I only read from my iPad (I have a couple text books that I have to have in book format and it sucks!)
When I went to see a specialist he also found that my peripheral vision was deteriorating. This does not surprise me. I have coke bottle bottom glasses, quite thick, and cannot see six inches in front of me without glasses. Now the bifocals have to cram a great deal of information in a very small lens, the bigger the frame the thicker the lens, and the heavier too. I am very particular about my glasses, they have to have flexible wings, a nose piece, and I tell the optometrist up front, I want a quality frame that doesn’t easily bend because if you sell me a cheap pair, I will return them for a pair that can hold up to my prescription.
I wore contacts for years, but because of my prescription they were always painful after about four hours, nonetheless I withstood it for sometimes up to sixteen hours a day. Now that I am older, I tried them again just for going out or for hiking or even work, but I couldn’t see to make art, read or drive so basically useless, except for looking pretty. Not my style really.
Eyeglasses with my prescription preclude the ability to see in the periphery, my vision so bad that my peripheral is not used at all. I think the lack of use is part of the reason for my peripheral vision loss.
So here we are. Not being able to see in the sun, or in the dark, difficulty painting, reading and seeing at work or at school, difficulty driving to new places (cannot see signs and GPS only goes so far). And yes there are ways to compensate but, my eyes??!! I am an artist, I think with my eyes.
So I am scheduled (if I can get my blood pressure down) to have ICL (inter collamer lens) surgery. They will be inserting a lens between the back of my iris and my natural lens, in addition they will be doing minor Lasix surgery to correct my astigmatism. What this will do for me is correct my peripheral vision issues by making it once again a player in my field of vision. It will make it so that I can wear sunglasses during the day, and so that bifocals can correct my vision more efficiently than these thick lenses are capable of. It will not correct my vision more than 20/30 but I will be able to see better than I do right now. I may need additional surgeries, I will still need glasses, but not nearly what I am wearing right now. Not even close.
I have some trepidation, and am nervous, but I am also excited, and maybe a little bit relieved that it may correct my vision to some degree.