i drive to work everyday, gazing out at the views of the river and the lake, the trees, and all i want to do is pull over and paint.
i want to be a buddhist, i want to be a yoga practitioner, i want to be a person who walks in the woods, i want to be smart and well read, i want to be a good teacher, i want to be a good mother, a good friend, a good grandmother, a good partner.
i am none of these.
my dog pushes her snout into my left ear. then nudges me under my right arm until i reach back and touch the soft velvet of her nose.
i close my eyes, and wish to be kinder, more compassionate, more wise, more enlightened.
but I am not.
I am a pearl in the mouth of an clam, only i haven’t started to form yet.
i am just a bit of grit.