The morning dawns despite my restful sleep, more than once I awoke crying and whimpering in my sleep. The dog coming to kiss my face. I go for my morning run and it feels good, the day will be warm.
“Chaos is inherent in all the compounded things. Strive on with diligence.” ~ Buddha
And why do I forget in the darkness of my soul that all it takes is noticing and letting go. I know what I need: meditation or therapy again. But therapy only brings me to the realization of what I already know for myself. After about six visits I start feeling like I don’t need to be there anymore, I start say, yep, I know that, but when the tired creeps in and I forget. The say there is no rest for the wicked, there seems to be no rest either for the weary.
Maybe meditation would help me with the letting go, with the not biting the hook that reels me in and leaves me despairing in the shallows, I watched yesterday as a small mouth bass heard the plunk of the worm and then saw it on the silted rocks and bit it. I marveled at how he had no idea that the plunk and the sharp object and then the viewing of the worm meant capture. He was lucky to not be in season. But I am like that bass, I know what exquisite torture will follow, but I do it anyway. Maybe meditation will help me in recognizing the symptoms of my exhaustion, sometime before I hear the plunk of the worm, or that I will notice it and ignore it. It occurs to me that I do need to fish more.
I think of my coffee mug that says Peace means to remain serene despite what is going on around me, perhaps peace too is remaining calm despite what is happening inside me.
There is alot of darkness, but I know I am like a light house. I can be a beacon if I only let it shine. Must I wait for the fog, for the stormy weather?
Why do I keep forgetting?