the right attitude

Unlikely friends.  But nonetheless, a friend.  He calls me and tells me how very much he has been missing me.  Then when I tell him I drove by last night at 730 but thought the lights were out, had I pulled in and knocked I would have been welcomed; I told him I was feeling the need for company, but instead I drove around the city listening to music loudly as I sang along.  Always he says, even if I am tired or sick, because you are so accepting and easy going, that you are not ever unwelcome.  I start to get choked up then, it hits a bit close to home for me today.  I tell him, I am glad you said that, because honestly I needed to hear that.  I hang up and for a second I am caught in the memory of a few days ago as my other friends lingered extra long over their empty cups of tea, they had to make one more stop before calling it a night, but one of them said to the other, but I want to stay with our Meg a little longer.  I reflect on this and how it feels, warm, comforting.  As though I am accepted whole, for who I am, who I really am.  As though I am loved.

He picks me up and we drive around the late city with his two boys, giving his wife time to relax without their hyper little boy.  We shop and then stop at Friendly’s  I know better but have an ice cream, I warn them that it will make me cough, and it does.  There is no admonition of disgust, just are you okay.  I warned you I say, it always does this to me.  Tomorrow will be worse.  As I am dropped off at my home, an I will call you tomorrow and you can come over and watch movies with us.  Okay I say.  Welcoming, inviting, I see now that it isn’t much to ask for, and is freely given with a loving heart.

I reflect on this.  And for a moment I feel a little sad.  Sometimes I cannot see the truth when it is hitting me over the head, goose-egg on top of goose-egg.  If I were a better person, I would be happy with what I get and ask for nothing more.  If I were loved, I wouldn’t have to ask.

That is all.

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